Tag Archives: Humor

Dan Barker: Gravity Is Real, Real, Real

Dan Barker - gravity is real
Dan Barker – gravity is real

Dan Barker should know

Dan Barker was an evangelical preacher and gospel song writer until he realized it was all superstition. Now he is co-President of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, the largest freethought association in North America.

With more than 22,500 members, the nonprofit FFRF works as an effective state/church watchdog and voice for freethought (atheism, agnosticism, skepticism).

You can read Dan Barker’s story in his new book, Godless: How an Evangelical Preacher Became One of America’s Leading Atheists.

Source: https://ffrf.org/

Wisdom and Humor Online

The wisdom of the wise, and the experience of ages, may be preserved by quotations. –Benjamin Disraeli

Here are a few great ones.

  • I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.  People move out of the way much  faster now!
  • You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If she is holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
  • Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they  drink like their fathers.
  • You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?  That’s common sense leaving your body.
  • I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.
  • I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
  • Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
  • I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!
  • Old age is coming at a really bad time!
  • When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment… now, as a grown  up, it just feels like a small vacation!
  • The biggest lie I tell myself is… “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
  • Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, & the friends to post my bail when I  finally snap!
  •  I don’t have gray hair. I have “wisdom highlights”. I’m just very wise.
  •  My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance for idiots that needs work.
  •  Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
  • At my age “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why.
  • Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.
  • I’ve lost my mind, but I’m pretty sure my wife took it!
  • Even duct tape can’t fix stupid… but it can muffle the sound!
  • Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

    From the Internet

One KosherSwitch® at a time

“You can take part in making it a reality… Together, we can improve the world, one KosherSwitch® at a time!”

Yeah, I realize it was April Fool’s Day only a couple of weeks ago, so who knows whether this is real or not. But it appears to be. They already claim to have collected $37,252 in donations at their website at www.KosherSwitch.com to make it possible, and are climbing rapidly toward their $50,000 goal. By the time you read this, either they will have reached their goal and begun manufacturing switches, or they will have exposed the whole thing as an April Fool’s joke.

To me, the interesting thing is that it’s impossible to tell the difference  between an April Fool’s joke and a religion. And people donate their hard earned money, anyway.

Of course I realize your religion isn’t funny. It’s just theirs. Right?

Right! Of course. wink

If at First You Don’t Succeed

Try, try again. And again. And then some more, until you succeed.

That  was all I said when I first posted this, but then I watched it again. We can learn more from our little cousin than that.  

Not only does she keep on and on and on. She finally seems to realize that leaping with the cracker, as she’s been trying to do, is not going to work. That’s better than many people, already.

So she stops, climbs up on top, looks around, and seems to think. “Oh, now I see!” She jumps back down and does it right, by climbing instead of trying to jump with the cracker. And it works.

Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath, look around, and see what we’ve been doing wrong. Then maybe we can figure out how to do the job right, like this little mouse did.

Yeah, I know. I’ve anthropomorphized the little creature, and probably given her credit for too much brain power. But, at the very least, she tried new ways and she never stopped until she finally got it right. 

Cool 4-1 Joke

Don’t you wish you’d had teachers like this when you were in school?

I admit Youtube didn’t exist when I was in school. But something tells me that Matthew Weathers, an assistant professor of mathematics and computer science at Biola University , would have been outstanding with or without videos.

Do you still need a push?

A man and his wife are awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it’s 3 am in the morning and it’s pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him.”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing,” replies the drunk.

. . . from the Internet